Being a working mom is no joke, I often feel like our Muslim communities and American culture don't quite prepare us, or make it easy, for this path.
It's like we're expected to juggle a million things at once, but without a manual or a support group that really gets it. Sure, there are Muslim mom groups at many masjids, but where's the group for Muslim moms who are also young professionals? The existing groups seem to focus more on supporting moms who've chosen to stay home with their kids, which is amazing and definitely needed, but what about the moms who are trying to balance careers and motherhood? It feels like we're left to figure it out on our own.
Like so many young Muslim women, I went to college wanting to work afterwards because I enjoyed it. After years of studying, I relished the idea of joining the workforce and making an impact. Academia does a great job preparing us for the workforce, teaching us skills and tools to succeed. But let's be real, it doesn't prepare us for the chaos of juggling work and parenthood.
As Muslim moms, we're often seen as the primary caregivers. From the moment we feel our babies kick inside us, they're ours to nurture and protect. When my child was born and placed on my chest, skin to skin, I was overwhelmed with love and the desire to give my child the very best. Those first few months were a sleep-deprived blur of late-night breastfeeding, diaper changes, and trying to figure out how to function on zero sleep. Working? Ha! That wasn't even on my radar. I stayed home with my child because my heart just couldn't bear the thought of being apart from my child. As a mom, I felt like no one else could care for my child the way I could. I was learning about my child and learning to be a mom at the same time, and the idea of bringing someone else into the mix, like a nanny or daycare, felt impossible. How could I teach someone else what I was still figuring out myself?
I'll admit, I had some advantages and I recognize the privilege of being able to stay home. This isn't an option for everyone in our country where two incomes are often necessary to make ends meet. My background as a child educator and pediatric nurse practitioner gave me a head start, but even that didn't fully prepare me for the reality of motherhood. As a Somali American, I also grew up seeing moms in my community take on the role of full-time caregivers, but I know my challenges are different from theirs.
Our parents raised us in a world where extended family played a major role in helping raise children. But now? Many of us are scattered across the country, raising our little ones in nuclear families with little to no support. It's like we're expected to do it all on our own, and let me tell you, being a mom is sometimes harder than any job I've ever had. The system seems to assume that dads will be at work all day, leaving moms to handle everything else without a break. It feels like the only solution then becomes outsourcing care to daycares and nannies, but is that really the best option?
Did you know that kids in their first year of daycare come home with 9 to 11 viruses? As a parent, watching your child suffer through constant illnesses can make you wonder if it's even worth it. And then there's the cost, daycare fees are so high that some parents end up feeling like they're only working just to pay for childcare. I've heard so many moms say, "I might as well quit my job because I'm barely making money after paying for daycare." It's a tough spot to be in.
So what happens when you opt out of daycare and decide to stay home? Your career ends up being put on hold! After years of education and building a career, stepping away can feel like a loss. Some moms find fulfillment in shifting to careers that fit child-rearing schedules. Take Beverly Cleary, for example, she started writing while staying home with her two kids. It was her way of giving something back to herself while still being there for her children. Maybe that's the key: finding small ways to stay connected to our passions, even if it's not in the way we originally planned. As Michelle Obama once said, "You can have it all, but not at the same time." And honestly, that's a mantra I've come to live by.
Despite society's inability to prepare new working moms in managing work and family life, there are great role models in the present day we can draw strength from. Anse Dr. Tamara Gray is someone that I respect and love for her perspective on balancing life, work, faith, and family. Allah preserve her and give her goodness in this life and hereafter. When I read her books and the work she continues to do in the community, I see someone to aspire to, and I think "masha'Allah, now this is a person who has figured it out" Another giant that I look up to is Toni Morrison, who had a prolific career as a writer, editor, a single mom worked full time with young children, and she once was asked how she managed it all. She responded saying how it was hard, even when her family helped out and that she would wake up early in the morning before her children woke to write.
So how do we support moms who want to care for their kids and pursue fulfilling careers? I think part of the answer lies in better policies, like the ones in Europe and Asia, where parents get a year of paid leave after having a baby. I've seen firsthand the relief this provides families. It gives parents peace of mind, knowing they can focus on their little ones without worrying about losing their jobs or falling behind in their careers. It's a reminder that family matters, and that raising healthy, happy kids is just as important as contributing to the workforce.
Balancing work, family, and faith is no small feat. But I draw strength from the resilience of Muslim women around the world. I once came across a story, narrated by the great scholar Habib Umar Bin Haffiz, about a pious woman from the Amudi tribe in Hadramawt who hand-copied Imam Al-Subki's three-volume fatwa collection. At the end, she wrote, "Please excuse any mistakes I may have made because I wrote this while I was breastfeeding." That story has stayed with me because it's a reminder that we can do hard things, imperfectly, but with love and determination. We can be moms and professionals, even if it's messy along the way.
At the end of the day, while we can advocate for better policies and support systems, real change comes from Allah. He's the ultimate Helper, the One who strengthens us and makes the impossible possible. So, as we navigate the challenges of motherhood and career, let's remember to lean on Him and trust that He'll guide us through it all. After all, He's the best of planners.
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